July 17, 2017: Food of My People

Me: (in the kitchen) Where is the can opener!?

Lucy: (from the other room) I don’t know!

Me: Well, I need it!

Lucy: …

Me: It’s important!

Lucy: …

Me:  LUCY!  I’M AMERICAN!  I CAN’T COOK WITHOUT IT!

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July 16, 2017: Participation Trophy

I was in the kitchen cutting up an evil onion which was making me cry.  Rowan was walking past and literally backpedaled when he saw my tears.

Rowan:  Mama?  How you doin’?

Me: Oh, I’m doing okay, I was just cutting up this onion here–

Rowan:  Mama?  I’m going to give you something.

(Slides his arms around my waist and gives me a hug.)

Rowan:  It’s a trophy for when you get done because I know you’re going to do a good job.

Me:  Awww, thanks, buddy.

Rowan:  (as he runs away to play Minecraft)  I’m proud of you!

Me:  (Real tears.)

June 18, 2017: I scream, you scream, we all scream.

For Father’s Day we grilled at my parents’ house and we brought chicken and some pineapples to grill. We have a fancy pineapple corer that leaves an empty pineapple husk when you get done.

Lucy: Here you go!

Me: Ooh, yum, thanks! (Proceeds to drink the pineapple juice from the husk.)

Lucy: We should get some ceramic wrap for the inside of that.

Me: What? Why?

Lucy: So you could drink whatever you wanted out of it.

Me: Why would you need Saran Wrap though?

Lucy: So it doesn’t taste like pineapple.

Me: But… that’s kind of the point?

Lucy: Well I don’t know!  Last time we had this you said, “This just screeeams for alcohol.”

 

June 17, 2017: That musical fruit

Me:  Lucy, will you go get a big spoon for the black beans?

Lucy: Sure!  (Brings back the world’s smallest spoon.  It might have been a baby spoon.  Or a spoon for ants.)

Me: Wow, that is the smallest big spoon I’ve ever seen.

Lucy:  (Uncomprehending stare)

Me:  I asked you to get a big spoon.

Lucy:  (Uncomprehending stare)

Joel: (Trying to put beans on his nachos) Oh, man!  This is going to take forever!

Lucy:  Well, maybe you don’t need that many beans, Dada.

May 26, 2017: That’s probably it.

(Joel and Rowan are driving down the street and go past the O’ Riley’s Auto Parts store, where a police car is parked in the parking lot.)

Joel:  Woah, Rowan, what do you think that police man is doing at the auto parts store?

Rowan:  I don’t know.  Maybe buying new light bulbs for his wee-oooh.