June 17, 2017: That musical fruit

Me:  Lucy, will you go get a big spoon for the black beans?

Lucy: Sure!  (Brings back the world’s smallest spoon.  It might have been a baby spoon.  Or a spoon for ants.)

Me: Wow, that is the smallest big spoon I’ve ever seen.

Lucy:  (Uncomprehending stare)

Me:  I asked you to get a big spoon.

Lucy:  (Uncomprehending stare)

Joel: (Trying to put beans on his nachos) Oh, man!  This is going to take forever!

Lucy:  Well, maybe you don’t need that many beans, Dada.

May 26, 2017: That’s probably it.

(Joel and Rowan are driving down the street and go past the O’ Riley’s Auto Parts store, where a police car is parked in the parking lot.)

Joel:  Woah, Rowan, what do you think that police man is doing at the auto parts store?

Rowan:  I don’t know.  Maybe buying new light bulbs for his wee-oooh.

May 12, 2017: My brain ate an awkward taco

Lucy watched the puberty video at school. 

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN.

(This is the short version of this conversation.  You’re welcome.)

Me: So, how was the video?  Did you learn anything?

Lucy:  I guess.  Except my brain ate an awkward taco.

Me:  Yeah, I get that.  What did they talk about?

Lucy:  Well, the nurse came in to introduce the video and she pretty much told us what puberty was, so it was like we didn’t even need to watch the video after that.

Me:  Did you have any questions?

Lucy:  Well, I had a question, but I figured it wasn’t anything we were going to cover in the video.  Or ever.  So I didn’t ask.

Me:  Do you want to ask me?

Lucy:  Well… we were talking about ovaries?  And how the ovary releases an egg, which can get fertilized? I just wondered… At what age would it be appropriate to have an egg fertilized?

(Oh, Lucy.  You’re too smart for your own good.  And the answer is, “As soon as you don’t feel like sleeping through the night ever again.”)

March 5, 2016: Don’t make it bad

Driving in the car, listening to music and “Hey Jude” comes on.  Rowan starts crying in the back seat, big fat tears.

Me:  Buddy!  What’s the matter?!

Rowan:  This song is just so sad!  It makes my heart cry!